Fictitious Interview with Bono

Previously published in Charlotte Magazine, December 2005. (Page 28)

He’s the lead singer of the band U2, a political activist, screenwriter, orator, thespian, clothing designer and the most superstitious person I’ve ever met. That’s why we’re sitting at Jason’s Deli pounding pudding.

Bono eats pudding before every performance. When he forgets: “a dark cloud hangs over the stage.” And so here we are, in the back booth off Woodlawn. And even though I’m lactose intolerant—I’m eating the hell out of some pudding.

Bono practices countless rituals to keep his home healthy, his crops plentiful and his life balanced. As he puts it: “Sanity isn’t free. You need to earn it.” And sometimes that means doing strange things.

When his daughter, Memphis Eve, got meningitis, he repainted the entire house DayGlo orange. “It killed the poison.” (She recovered three days later.) When he’s feeling writer’s block, he prank calls Gilbert Gottfried. “Sometimes it’s hard to meet the muse. Writing Achtung took a lot out of me. I buzzed Gottfried then banged out ‘Acrobat.’”

And every night before he goes to bed, he takes a tall glass of asparagus juice. “It chases away the foxes.” (Urban foxes are common throughout Dublin.)

ME: You’re full of it.

BONO: No, this is the way it is. This is the price of life.

ME: Either you’re one good storyteller or you’re a damn good liar.

BONO: They’re the same thing.

And with that, Bono pushes his rose-colored glasses up the brim and heads back to the pudding.

DISCLAIMERS:

I love Jason’s Deli but I’m not a fan of their pudding.

Sometimes I’m lactose tolerant and sometimes I’m not. It fluctuates.

I never ate pudding with Bono.

Bono may or may not be superstitious. I’m not really sure.